


board games are underrated

by haipollai



Category: Captain America (2011), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, F/F, F/M, Loneliness, M/M, Modern Era, Multi, Secret Relationship, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-07
Updated: 2012-09-07
Packaged: 2017-11-13 18:55:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/506633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haipollai/pseuds/haipollai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Bucky leaves sometime around sunrise. Stephanie isn't sure of the time, only that it's too early and her last touch is no more than a brushing of fingers over her bare hip as Bucky slips out of bed. She gets her uniform on and crouches back by the edge, touching Stephanie's cheek. “My best girl,” she whispers.</i>
</p>
<p>  <i>“Come home.”</i></p>
<p>  <i>“Don't worry, they promised me a few days of leave now and then. You'll barely have time to realize I was gone by the time I’ve earned them.”</i><br/> <br/><i>“I already miss you.”</i></p>
<p>  <i>Bucky smiles, and Stephanie can see the pain in her eyes. There's one last kiss and Stephanie hopes her lips stay stained with Bucky's lipstick forever.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	board games are underrated

It's obvious once the ice is melted down enough. Fury sighs and Hill snorts in amused surprise.

“What now, sir?”

“Tell Coulson to make a note in the file. I need a stiff drink before this shit hits the fan.”

“Yes, sir.”

“And don't smirk at him when you tell him.”

“Yes, sir.”

-

She sits on the bed, not really staring at anything, twisting her hat in her hands, barely even feeling it as Bucky cleans off her cheek. She yelps in surprise when Bucky pinches her neck. “What was that for?”

“For being an idiot.”

It takes a second for it to sink in but Stephanie realizes Bucky's pouting. She's trying to hide it but it's there. “I'm sorry.”

“No you're not, you don't even know what you're sorry for.” Bucky's pout quickly becomes a scowl and she stands back from the bed, yanking off her uniform with quick harsh movements. “I”m leaving for DC at oh-six hundred. And I am not spending my last night in this city being depressed because my best damn friend in the world is an idiot.” She turns on her heel and glares down at Stephanie. Stephanie swallows hard and keeps her eyes fixed on Bucky's face. “Which means, you will get out of the damn nurse's uniform and join me.”

“Just you and me?”

Bucky grins and winks before twisting back to find something to wear. A dress flies out of the closet Bucky's sifting through and hits Stephanie in the face. “Put that on.” A pair of shoes clatter a few feet away. “And those.”

“You didn't answer my question,” she says as she starts unbuttoning the uniform. Bucky's holding up a blue dress against herself to double check it was hers and not Stephanie's. “And since when did you voluntarily wear dresses?”

“I'm spending my last night in New York City with my best girl. You deserve a dress.”

Stephanie blushes but makes herself roll her eyes dismissively. “I'm your only girl.”

“Only girl I want.” She blows Stephanie a kiss through her reflection in the mirror. Even these days Bucky's hair is barely long enough to style so she pins it back quickly as Stephanie fights with the fastenings of the dress Bucky threw at her until Bucky comes over and smacks her hands away to do it herself. “Really Steph, what are you going to do without me here?” She's speaking softly and Stephanie thinks it's the first time since her friend got into the WAAC that she's heard regret in Bucky's voice.

“Guess I'll finally have to grow up.”

Bucky finishes with the fastenings and gently turns Stephanie so they're facing each other. It looks like Bucky's fighting for words and Stephanie waits patiently for her to figure it out. Bucky's never been the best with words. She had always preferred a more physical approach to dealing with any problems. It had worked, no one at the orphanage was willing to bother the girl who was more likely to beat you with her doll then play with it. “You're the most adult person I know,” she finally says. “I...”

“Please don't say it.” Stephanie tucks some hair behind her ear. Bucky immediately pulls it back out and tugs lightly on it, making Stephanie look up. “We shouldn't.”

“I'm about to go help out our boys in war. The least you can do is indulge me one last night.”

“For the war?”Stephanie says with a small smile.

“Good, you're paying attention.” Bucky pauses again and leans down to kiss her forehead and the tip of her nose. Her lips hover over Stephanie's. “I wish you were going with me. You deserve it. You're better than anyone they've got in the hospitals over there.”

“Too small.”

Bucky's arms are around her shoulders, embracing her tightly and Stephanie hugs her back without a second thought, pressing her nose against her shoulder. Bucky smells like the city and the fumes from the train. There are no flowers or sunshine; Stephanie is for sure allergic to one and possibly to the other and she doesn't ever want to be allergic to Bucky. Couldn't stand not being near her. “We could stay in,” she mumbles just to hear Bucky sigh in annoyance.

“No. Last. Night.” She pushes Stephanie back. “We're going to the Expo and we are going to be awed by the future and not think of war.” Her fingers touch Stephanie's cheek and barely graze her lips. “Come on, we need to do something about the rat's nest on your head.”

“Rat's are offended by that comparison.” Bucky pushes her into a chair and starts removing pins. “Just braid it and get it out of the way.”

Bucky's fingers run absently through the thin strands. They're weak and limp and can't hold a curl. Even if Stephanie bothered, she couldn't make her hair look fashionable. “Don't be like that. You're beautiful.”

“It's ok Bucky, I look like I'm twelve. I've accepted it as my fate.”

Bucky leans the chair back so she can glare down at her. “I swear, when this damn thing is over I am going to tie you to the bed, and make you stare at your reflection until you realize how beautiful you are.”

Stephanie smirks. “Is that all we’ll do?”

-

Bucky leaves sometime around sunrise. Stephanie isn't sure of the time, only that it's too early and her last touch is no more than a brushing of fingers over her bare hip as Bucky slips out of bed. She gets her uniform on and crouches back by the edge, touching Stephanie's cheek. “My best girl,” she whispers.

“Come home.”

“Don't worry, they promised me a few days of leave now and then. You'll barely have time to realize I was gone by the time I’ve earned them.”

“I already miss you.”

Bucky smiles, and Stephanie can see the pain in her eyes. There's one last kiss and Stephanie hopes her lips stay stained with Bucky's lipstick forever.

-

Stephanie works at a hospital in Brooklyn. It gets all kinds and with Bucky gone it quickly becomes her favorite place. Her only place. Everything is neat and tidy and everyone has a story. When she has a minute alone, she finds a quiet room and sketches. She used to draw the stories she heard, recreating images from words but now all she draws is Bucky, posing in her uniform, flopped on the bed in the summer heat, smiling through her hair.

She's in the nurses station since there was no one else around so sneaking off wasn't an option. She takes advantage of the brief moment of privacy to open her sketchbook and doodle.

“Is she a sister?”

Stephanie snaps the book closed and jumps to her feet. An older man is watching her with patient, curious eyes. There's a quiet humor there that makes Stephanie feel comfortable even acknowledging a question about Bucky. “Can I help you sir?”

“Perhaps. I'm looking for a Ms. Stephanie Rogers?” There is an accent in his voice, which sounds like the old woman who lives two floors above her and came from Germany after the Great War.

She blinks in surprise; she never does anything worth note. “Can I ask why?”

The mans sets a folder on the counter. “Well, she has attempted to volunteer to be assigned as a nurse overseas. A few times now, five to be precise and each time has been turned down for health reasons.” He's looking at her expectantly now but she refuses to say anything. “Now when it was realized that this young woman lied to the recruiters, a few people wanted to make an example of her but I suggested maybe such determination could be useful.”

“You're not here to arrest me?”

“Do I look like a police officer to you Ms. Rogers?”

“I don't think they let Germans onto the force these days. Sir.” She blushes, realizing her forwardness might make this man take away his support. She grips the sketchbook tightly and refuses to let herself cower from his hidden threat.

He doesn't seem offended and even chuckles. “How did you figure that one?”

“Your accent. Matches a woman I know.”

“Very clever. So I can assume you are in fact Ms. Rogers?”

“You can. And who am I speaking too?”

“Dr. Abraham Erskine. I'm with a special department within the Army. Come walk with me.”

Stephanie looks around the nurses station and at that moment notices some of her coworkers lingering off to the side whispering. She stands up a little straighter and looks back to Dr. Erskine. “I'd love to, Doctor.”

She gathers up her bag and takes the offered arm. “I would like to ask about the number of tries. Are you so eager to see the war effort continued that you'll do anything to help our boys get back into it?”

“No, sir.” She thinks of Bucky and all her assurances that a in a year or two she would be home, nothing more. “I don't like seeing people hurt. I want everyone to come home alive.” They're out at street level and Dr. Erskine stops and looks at her and she refuses to look away.

“Your work here is apparently quite exceptional.”

“Listen, sir. Is this a job interview? Because if it's not, I really can't risk losing this one.”

“Well, job interview might not be exactly right but I can't explain here,” he gestures at the car and she can already see another woman sitting in the back. “I can explain more but you have to be willing to take the risk.”

-

Stephanie becomes a nurse because her mother was a nurse and her mother died and all she could do was watch. She was six and already knew exactly what it meant to feel useless.

The city carted the body away and dumped Stephanie in a home for girls.

-

“It is a simple procedure but it must be tested,” Dr. Erskine explains, hands folded neatly in his lap. “The good men of Congress have decided that American men are too precious to be put at risk in case this fails.” He looks at Stephanie and it feels almost as if he's seeing something inside her. “So the risk must fall to American women.”

She grips her bag to keep from fidgeting with her hat. “That seems a little backwards, doc.”

“Governments are always a little backwards. It seems to be a standard anywhere in the world.”

“Excuse me,” the other woman who Erskine had introduced as Agent Peggy carter, speaks up for the first time. She has a soft British accent that Stephanie wasn't expecting but her voice is firm. She is interrupting this conversation whether either of them like it or not. “Before you go any further, Ms. Rogers you need to sign this.” She holds up a clipboard and form which Stephanie takes. “Standard non-disclosure. Dr. Erskine's procedure is classified information. You are still welcome to walk away at any time of course but we need to be able to arrest you if you go telling other people.”

“Because you don't have reason enough at this point,” she says, skimming through the fine print. As if it could say anything at this point that could convince her not to sign.

“Well, we would like to be honest about why we're arresting you.”

Stephanie glances up, catching the small smile and smiling back. “Honesty is important. My mother taught me that.”

“She sounds like a smart woman.”

“Yes well, luckily she wasn't around to see all her good lessons ruined.” She signs her name with a flourish. She had always been unreasonably proud of her signature. It's big and strong and everything Stephanie herself isn't. “So now, I believe I should be told exactly what it is I'm signing up for.”

Erskine explains the procedure, which he claims is simple but most of it goes over Stephanie's head. She gets the main points. He has a way to make super soldiers. To take a man and make him many times stronger and faster than the average man. There's specifics about a serum and vitarays but Stephanie isn't listening.

“Why me?” She blurts out. “I mean, there must be a man out there who would be a better test subject. Some shrimp who can go to war after it works.”

“Because,” the car comes to a halt and Stephanie recognizes where they are. She lives only a few blocks away. She stares at a store across the street until Peggy touches her arm.

“You can still say no. I'm sure we can find that man somewhere.”

Stephanie starts and quickly shakes her head, turning back to the antique shop they stopped outside of. “No, I...there used to be a diner there. the owner of that diner used to give me scraps at the end of the days. His son used to get picked on and I jumped in the way of the bullies a few times.” She smiles and shakes her head. “They lost the place in the Depression. Think they moved to Newark.”

“Did it stop the bullies?” Peggy asks and she looks to be truly curious.

“After the third time, yes. Said they got sick of beating on kids who were too stupid to run away.”

“It seems quite surprising that you survived your youth, Ms. Rogers,” Dr. Erskine remarks dryly, opening the door for them both to walk through. There's a secret code and a sliding door and Stephanie is starting to feel like she's in one of Bucky's crime novels. They lead her through pristine tunnels lined with MPs to a small room that looks like it could fit seamlessly into the hospital she works at.

Peggy takes a seat to the side while Dr. Erskine directs her onto the table. “We need to make sure you're in good health at the moment,” Peggy explains while the doctor gathers together some equipment. “We can't have anything jeopardize the procedure.”

“What exactly could go wrong with this procedure?” She asks hesitantly, staring at the shiny silver stethoscope. She twists around on the table so he can reach her back, staring straight ahead at the wall. The wall stares blankly back.

“It depends on the person. Death is always a possibility with the unknown. Especially something as untested as this.”

“I've faced death.”

“As your medical history notes.” She doesn't think her medical history quite covers all her run-ins with death but doesn't argue the point. “Your greatest risk,” Dr. Erskine continues, “is something could go wrong with you. If there is evil inside you, Ms. Rogers, it will come out in its darkest form. And that, to answer your earlier question, is why I chose you and not a man.”

They draw blood and take samples of everything. Agent Carter leads her back out, explaining that once these tests are done they'll need to do a few more in order to establish base lines for everything. From there they better determine exactly how the procedure will change her. “You're quite brave, you know Ms. Rogers.”

“Please, call me Stephanie. And I'm not brave. Probably pretty stupid.” The fresh air outside tastes good after the stale air of the facility they were just in.

“You came here knowing absolutely nothing.” Peggy reminds her of Bucky, but she thinks it's just because of the dark hair. “That is pretty brave in my book.”

“You managed to join the military. I think that counts for a lot more.” Stephanie pauses. “I know another diner close by. Do you want coffee?” Peggy's eyebrows shoot up and Stephanie blushes, pushing away the faint guilt already beginning to gnaw at her stomach. “I mean, it's just, I don't have much company these days. And you probably spend all your time around men and I thought-”

“I can't.”

“Oh. Of course not. Sorry.” She chews hard on her lower lip. It was a silly suggestion and it's better this way.

“No, I mean, I still have some work to do. But maybe when you come back in after the test results come in.” She's giving Stephanie the same small smile she had before and something in Stephanie flutters. This is all wrong and she knows she shouldn't, but she grins back.

“Good, that'd be...good.”

Peggy chuckles. “I'll see you soon, Stephanie.” She disappears back into the shop. Stephanie takes a minute to stare after her before heading towards her small, empty apartment.

There's a letter from Bucky waiting for her. Orders have changed, she's headed to London, but hopefully she'll still be home for Christmas. Everyone has high hopes about ending the war quickly. There are two stick figures doodled at the bottom of the page. Bucky doesn't label them because she doesn't have to, the shorter one with longer hair is Stephanie. Beside them she wrote that this will be the only time Bucky will ever be as skinny as she is. The date at the top says it was sent a few days ago. Stephanie curls up in bed, clutching the letter. There's no forwarding address.

-

For three days she forces herself to go work each day and ignore the whispers and stares of her coworkers all wanting to ask about her mysterious disappearance and none having the guts. She’s starting to think maybe they’ve forgotten about her or in the end she wasn’t good enough. Then on the morning of the fourth, there's a knock at her door. She almost falls out of bed, tripping over the sheets in her rush to answer. When she can't find her dressing gown she ends up just wrapping the sheets around her. Peggy is on the other side with an MP escort.

“Your tests are back.” She's trying not to smile. She’s doing a good job but Stephanie is used to liars and Peggy is definitely holding back her amusement. “Do you need a moment?”

“Um yes,” she pats absently at her hair, coming out of its braid from the previous day. “Would you like to come inside?” She shuffles out of the way, so Peggy can come inside. The MP stays politely outside. “I'm sorry, it's not much. Usually neater too.”

“No, it's fine. You live alone?” Peggy sits at the table while Stephanie starts hot water for tea before going to her small closet. Most of Bucky's stuff still hangs there and Stephanie runs her hand over them, wishing they weren't so big on her so that she could wear them and have a little bit of Bucky with her for the rest of the day.

“Right now. My friend is in London actually.” She casts a glance at the letter, peaking out from under the pillowcase stuffed with old clothes that has functioned as her pillow for years.

“I guess we've done a nice little swap then.”

“I guess so.” Stephanie gets the shirt and skirt on quickly and fights with her hair as she goes to pour the water into mugs, realizing after a second that she didn't ask Peggy if she actually wanted any. But Peggy smiles and takes the mug when it's offered.

“May I ask why your friend has chosen to take a jaunt over to London right now?”

“Stationed there. She's in the Auxiliary Corp. You know, secretarial duty and wom- support work. For the army. Just got the letter saying she was going overseas.” Something in her face must show how much it hurts feeling like she’s been left behind because Peggy reaches out and covers Stephanie's hand with hers.

“I'm sure she'll be fine.”

Stephanie smiles but she's not really in the mood for tea anymore and pushes the mug aside. Her hair ends up in a bun when all else fails. “Shall we go then? See if there's a test I can finally pass?”

There are more tests, lung capacity, physical strength. None of them really last long. A general comes to watch her, scowling the entire time.

By the time the tests are over, she aches all over, wants to curl up in her bed and hide there for the rest of the week. She spends a long time sitting in the small changing room, too sore to make herself move. Stephanie sits there with a damp towel over her head to hide her face from anyone who might walk in. The coolness of it feels good on her skin. The door opens and she doesn't move.

“May I ask you something, Stephanie?” Peggy says softly.

Stephanie presses the towel against her eyes before looking up, forcing a pleasant smile to her lips. “You're in Brooklyn, Agent Carter. You don't need to be so polite all the time. Of course you can.”

“Please, Peggy, I believe is fair.” She hands Stephanie a glass of water which she takes gratefully, not even realizing she needed it. “Why are you doing this? You have something decent here. Why risk it for this?”

“Because...” she sighs and carefully arranges the words in her head before they start to trip over each other, “because someone has to. Someone has to make sure this works. And the Doctor seems so sure it's going to work with me.” She stands, focusing on getting her clothes on, lining up buttons with the proper holes. “And if it works, I'm going to be bigger and stronger, right? I'll be able to go overseas and help.”

-

Stephanie receives another letter saying Bucky's arrived and she's safe. There's no explanation of why she's been sent to London already or at all. At least this time there's an address so Stephanie can write back.

Bucky says maybe by Valentine's Day and I miss you.

-

The procedure is set. Stephanie has a week to prepare, and the day before she'll move into the facility so they can make sure she doesn't eat or drink anything that might interfere. Peggy explains to her the time commitment after the procedure. They will need to run all the tests again, keep her under study for likely a month or two to check for after effects. She'll be moved to Camp Lehigh for all of that, but there will be a small stipend, they understand she's giving up her job with the hospital for this.

Peggy promises to help get her into the army as a nurse when it's all over.

The stipend covers her rent so she doesn't have to move out, just pack enough to live with while on the base. Which, looking around the small space is all she owns. A few skirts, dresses, slacks. All worn down, nothing special. She looks at Bucky's things the few dresses she left behind. Stephanie isn't surprised her slacks are gone. Bucky always preferred dressing like a boy, and Stephanie knows it's saved her life a few times. Brought a little extra money to the table while Stephanie was struggling through her apprenticeship.

Stephanie takes one of Bucky’s dresses and fits it into the bottom of her bag. Her books go on top of that with the letters and an old photograph tucked carefully under the cover. Finally her few clothes and that's it.

She looks around, looking for anything else that she might need to pack but that's it. Her whole life in one small bag. There's no regret though. She has never lived to own things. Her mother was a nurse and she is a nurse and if this works, maybe she'll be able to help a few American men come home alive.

Right now there's nothing left but to wait for her ride.

The military is timely though, and she's not left waiting long. No doors open, but Stephanie knows her neighbours are watching. They probably all assume she is in trouble. Little Stephanie Rogers, always trying to stand up for strangers.

No one to stand up for her.

Not with Bucky gone.

She smiles tightly and grips her bag tighter. Time to prove them all wrong.

-

Jeanette Buchanan Barnes used to get in trouble at the orphanage for girls for getting into fights. The sisters all thought maybe when she started spending time with quiet Stephanie Rogers things would change. Instead Jeanette stole a pair of pants from a clothing line and snuck out to sell newspapers, making a few nickels so she could buy some candy for quiet Stephanie Rogers.

The sisters of course never realized or noticed that quiet Stephanie Rogers got into enough fights of her own because there was no other way to survive as an orphan.

With Stephanie, Jeanette became Bucky and together they would sit in the park. Stephanie would draw and Bucky would read from a book she'd already read a thousand times until they had enough money to buy a new book. Or she started making up her own stories and Stephanie would draw them.

They were going to be rich and famous. Their books would get translated into Chinese and French and Spanish and every other language on the planet. Everyone was going to know who Jeanette Barnes and Stephanie Rogers were.

Now Bucky looks out over the complex hidden in the small valley below her, thinking of those times sitting in the park. She wishes she could tell Stephanie about this, about the whirlwind her life had become. It would make a great story.

Maybe when the war is over.

She rubs at her eyes and stands, there's nothing else she can do. HQ in Italy knows about this place and her orders don't include getting inside. She's fairly sure there was even something about reassignment to Paris.

Bucky stands and as she turns, focuses on getting the binoculars back into their case. The OSS would not be happy with her losing one of their gadgets. She doesn't notice the sentry.

Not until it's too late.

-

Stephanie sits in the rain, cowering under the leather jacket she wears to hide her chest sometimes. It was decided for this tour that a girl acting as a soldier might not be actually inspirational for the troops. A chorus girl with some good lines won over the families but these were men. It turned out dressing her as a man didn't really make it go any better.

At least the pants are more comfortable then the skirt.

“Stephanie?”

She glances up, surprised. None of the dancers call her by her first name. Peggy's there, damp from the rain and Stephanie blinks in surprise. “Peggy?”

“Hello.” She sits beside her on the step, hands folded neatly in her lap and eyes locking with Stephanie's. “I'm sorry about the show.”

“Don't be. I don't know why they thought it would go well.”

“How are you?” Stephanie shrugs and looks back down at her sketchbook. Even over the rain she hears Peggy sigh. “I'm sorry Stephanie. It hasn't worked out like you wanted. But maybe...” she trails off at the sound of a truck and they both look over, watching soldiers hustle out two men on stretchers to the small medical tent.

“What happened?” She's grateful for anything to talk about that isn't broken promises and fading dreams.

“They went to fight, and came across a force they weren't prepared for.”

Stephanie's already getting to her feet, shoving the small book into a pocket and running to the tent. She hears Peggy splashing behind her, trying to catch up. Stephanie reaches the tent but a nurse is immediately blocking her way, pushing her out, making snide remarks about not needing chorus girls taking up room.

The nurses won't let her help, and she knows it will do more harm then good to force her way back in. So maybe it's time to put all this strength she was given to a real test. “Are the others all confirmed dead?”

“No...most were captured. Why? Stephanie!”

She's already moving again, running to get some equipment. A helmet, a map, the shield. “I won't sit here and do nothing!”

It doesn't occur to her until too late she never really trained for this. In Texas they showed her how to shoot a gun and for a stunt in Iowa, they trained her to parachute so when Peggy says she can get them a flight, Stephanie doesn't hesitate. But the rest, the knife on her hip, the gunfire blazing around them is all unfamiliar. So she grips the shield tighter.

She's been getting into fights for years, it doesn't matter that it was on the wrong end of them. Bucky taught her how to throw a punch and Stephanie figures in the end, a bully in an alleyway and a Nazi aren't too different.

There's a moment when she's about to jump out of the plane, feet dangling out into nothing, that she thinks of kissing Peggy just in case she doesn't come back from this stupid idea.

It's only at that moment she realizes how stupid this idea could be, and she thinks of Bucky tugging on her braid and telling her to take care of herself for once. The memory of Bucky cuts off her earlier thought and she focuses again on just getting out of the plane and landing.

It's different then Iowa. It's dark with the bright lights of the tracers zipping around her. Below her, instead of open field is forest. The only thing she's sure of is that she's going to reach the ground. It takes longer then expected when her shoot ends up tangled in the trees, leaving her dangling and she has to cut through the cables.

Her feet hit ground and she's off, only needing a moment to orient herself to know the direction she needs to go in. There’s a surprising ease to it that she never expected. Even getting through the front gate. For each step there’s a thousand possibilities and her instincts so far keep taking her in the right direction.

The men she finds, locked in their cages are surprisingly accepting of a woman saving them. One guy tries to throw a fit but his friend shuts him up quickly, simply grateful to be free.

“You have a plan, ma'am?” One of them says and he seems to be actually waiting for a real answer.

“Get out, give em hell. Any objections?”

Someone whoops and some are already moving towards the exits.

“Excuse me um...”

“I'm a Captain.”

“Alright then,” he's got a British accent, one of the few Allied soldiers Stephanie had heard were mixed into the larger force. “Captain. I noticed they have another woman being held here as well. American from the sound of her uh...colorful language. She was probably taken to the isolation area.”

“What the hell is an American woman doing out here?” Stephanie asks. The Brit gives her a pointed look. She doesn't think now is the right time to explain how she isn't a normal woman. “Never mind, I'll find her and ask her myself, excuse me gentlemen.”

“You sure you don't-”

“Get out soldier.” She doesn't wait for anymore protests, she doesn't have their training but she has the serum and it's gotten her this far. She takes off in the direction the Brit had indicated. She can hear the commotion starting even as she goes further into the complex. She finds the room almost by accident, a glimpse of a harried man taking off in the other direction. Stephanie almost follows him too, it would be easy to catch up but the soft sound of a voice, flat and strained catches her ear and she can't ignore it.

The room was cleared out in a hurry, she glimpses plans and designs and a map on the far wall but the table in the middle steals her attention. The woman is there, strapped to it, not even fighting to free herself.

It's not what she's expecting. Her heart is in her throat and for a second she can't move, it feels like an asthma attack but a thousand times worse. She was told there was an American woman there but there had been no description.

No hint that the woman was Bucky.

-

She's hiding. She knows she's hiding. She knows if she was a better friend or maybe a better person, she would be over in the medical tent. She's trained as a nurse, she could help. She should help. It's what any good friend would do after half carrying their only friend out of a base being run by a madman where said friend had been tortured. A good friend would not then immediately after debriefing, return to their tent, wrap a blanket around their shoulders and draw until their fingers cramped.

Stephanie can only conclude she is not a good friend since instead of staying with Bucky in the medical tent, she is in the tent that the Colonel assigned to her until they decide what to do with her. She's still there when the flap is thrown aside and Bucky herself storms in.

Stephanie jumps to her feet and slowly sinks back down to the bed at Bucky's glare. She feels small again.

“You are going to tell me what crazy, stupid, idiotic decision you made.”

“I saved your life.”

Bucky throws up her arms. “That's not the point! You're...you...you're grown! And that must be you on all the posters. Since when did you have any interest in celebrity? Not to mention-”

“It was to get here,” she snaps, burying her head in her hands. “It was all to get here.” She hears Bucky sigh and the shuffle of her feet before she sits down beside Stephanie. Their knees touch and Bucky reaches over, taking one of Stephanie's hands and drawing it into her lap, tracing the lines, turning it around. Stephanie used to do that to Bucky's hand, seeing how much smaller she was then the other woman. “Saved your life,” she repeats softly.

Bucky shakes her head but when Stephanie pushes her hair behind her ear, she sees Bucky's smiling. “Still stupid,” she grumbles.

“How did you get here?”

“The OSS noticed I was good at cracking codes,” she kisses the tips of Stephanie's fingers. “And then they noticed I was good at breaking guys noses.” Her whole face brightens when she smiles and she leans in close enough her lips touch Stephanie's ear and her hair tickles her cheek. It's all Stephanie can do not to turn and remind herself what it's like to kiss her. “I'm a spy, Steph. An honest to goodness spy, just like in all the stories.”

-

In the end, the Colonel decides to finally take advantage of the serum in her bloodstream and give her a team. They even offer to give her some of the best soldiers available to them but she thinks first of the men who had no problem following her orders. She's trained in firearms and even some tactics, she studies troop deployment and learns where Hitler is planning on attacking next. Bucky spars with her, it's like when they were little and Bucky showed her how to make a proper fist and the right angle to break a nose since little Stephanie Rogers wasn't exactly capable of breaking anything else on another person.

She's not helping people like she expected to be but she knows she's still helping, maybe she'll help the war be over a little bit sooner. Maybe she'll save a few people by being there instead of them.

Peggy rides with her on the plane back to London. She tells her about the continued attempts to recreate the serum that have all ended in failures.

“If you still want, I can talk to the Colonel, we'll get you placed somewhere as a nurse. The boys up in Holland could probably use a few extra hands to patch them up.”

It felt like an impossible dream for so long. The senator had kept leading her on, promising after one more state, only a few more shows. And here it is being offered to her. She knows Peggy will do it too, she'll fight for her to have her chance at this one thing.

“No.” She slides over a picture of the base she had just taken out. The picture is from before Schmidt had blown it up and Stephanie wonders if Bucky was the one who took it.

“No?” Peggy gently prompts.

Stephanie looks back up at her. “No, I have this serum inside me that was supposed to turn a man into a super soldier?” She smiles tightly, her hands curling into fists. “Might as well see what it can do in a woman.”

-

Peggy wears lipstick, Stephanie isn't sure why she notices that but it sticks in her mind. Bucky has stopped because Bucky now gets to always wear pants and has a sniper rifle slung over her shoulder. She's missing a tooth where they pulled one to fit a cyanide capsule that she didn't have time to use and scars with real stories now. Her hair is chopped short and her smile is more wicked and there's a thousand other little changes. Stephanie knows she's seeing the person that Bucky has always wanted to be.

She's happy for her and happy with her but sometimes she misses the red lipstick.

-

The team is headquartered in London. Stephanie likes the warmth of the space hidden under the streets. She likes sitting around the table where they plan. Bucky and Dugan and Falsworth and all of them. Peggy provides them with intel and usually sticks around so she can report back to the Colonel.

Sometimes they sit there just to talk.

Bucky is trying to explain to Dernier the finer points of baseball using pieces from the map to explain the game. Jones cuts in sometimes to translate or add something he thinks Bucky's forgotten.

“What exactly is going on?”

Bucky smiles at Peggy and Stephanie knows that smile, it's the one she gave the sisters in the orphanage when she knew she had been caught breaking a rule. It's sweet and apologetic and an absolute lie. From Peggy's quirked eyebrow she's not falling for it. “I'm explaining to Dernier here that if he wants to marry me, he'll have to understand baseball. It's a rule.”

“Oh really.”

“Yes ma'am.” Peggy looks at Stephanie as if this is somehow her fault. Bucky's shoulders stiffen. “Do you have something for us, Agent?”

Dugan mutters cat fight under his breath but Stephanie's hearing is more then good enough to catch it. She kicks him under the table.

“Please put the pieces away Sergeant,” Peggy says stiffly.

Bucky looks ready to argue so Stephanie catches her arm and whispers please so Bucky sighs and relents.

With the table once again clear, Peggy lays out the intelligence for their next mission and they all focus. Peggy and Bucky get along then, both of them thinking more as espionage agents then as soldiers. Stephanie notices it over and over, they snip during casual conversation and click during plannings.

Bucky still sneaks into her room at night, almost every night and the ones she doesn't are usually because she's drunk and Stephanie doesn't even bother pretending to take her to her own room. She wonders sometimes when Bucky’s sleeping if she's losing her to this new world. To the danger and excitement. To a woman who embodies it in a way that Stephanie, who sometimes needs to barricade herself in her room after ops so no one can see her cry, never will.

She risks asking once, early in the morning. That evening is another mission, one more thing they might not come back from. They're supposed to be sleeping in but Stephanie's a light sleeper and Bucky never sleeps well the night before missions.

“Do you want her?” Stephanie asks.

“Hm?”

“Peggy. Agent Carter...you two...you get along and-”

“Shut up.” Stephanie swallows hard and Bucky smiles sleepily and covers her mouth with her hand. There are new calluses there, Stephanie can feel them. “Oh Steph, you don't even realize. You're my best girl. That won't ever change. Even though you did.” She replaces her fingers with lips and asks softly. “What about Howard?”

“What about him?”

“You two get along,” she repeats Stephanie's words back at her. “He's handsome, smart.” She walks her fingers down Stephanie's shoulders to a hip. “Interested in you. Safe.”

Stephanie smirks and moves Bucky's hand to between her legs. “Nothing in my life has been safe.”

Their legs tangle together. Stephanie wraps her arms around her, feeling possessive and protective and finally they're both feelings she can follow through on.

They all drink together after the mission, a mission that for once went smoothly. Stephanie is fighting the usual urge to run and hide, to scrub her hands until they bleed. She knows the skin will grow back quickly, before anyone notices except Bucky and Bucky understands. But Peggy has even joined them tonight so Stephanie feels she must stay and be sociable. Not that she does much talking, preferring to watch the others.

Dugan is at the bar, flirting with Falsworth's sister, Jacqueline. The other three are at the table, talking in a rapid mix of French and English that Stephanie doesn't bother to follow. She thinks, Dernier is trying to dare Falsworth to go defend Jac's honor Or maybe flirt with an American girl. She's not sure. It doesn't matter, they're in good spirits and if Falsworth gets laid then good for him. She silently agrees the Brit could use it.

Bucky's hand touches hers under the table, curling around her fingers and fitting between them. Stephanie looks over at her and Bucky smiles back. She and Peggy are whispering back and forth and Stephanie isn't sure if it's good or bad. Bucky squeezes her hand one last time before letting go and focusing fully on her conversation.

Stephanie stays a little while longer until one to many servicemen trying to dance with her finally wears through her last nerve. Usually the table full of her own team scares away the potential suitors but tonight they were more determined so she leans over and whispers in Bucky's ear that she wants to dance later and then excuses herself. She's halfway down the block when she hears the pub's door open and feet chasing after. She can tell from the sound of each footfall that it's Bucky, no one else is that light.

“I hate going home alone,” Bucky whines, sliding her arm around Stephanie's waist. There's a smudge of red lipstick on her cheek. “Always feel like a failure.”

“You're not a failure.”

“I'll know that in the morning. Anyway there's something so swell about going home with Captain America.”

Stephanie blushes. She's heard the name a million times by now and when she's in the costume she feels the part. But like this, even in military uniform, she doesn't feel like Captain America, like she can handle the weight of an entire country on her shoulders. She certainly doesn't want Bucky to see her only as Captain America, she wants to be Stephanie with her.

“Learned something new tonight.”

“Oh?”

“Peggy's a good gal. I was scared you know, seein' you two together. Thought she'd stolen you from me.” She smiles at her feet and it's sad and nostalgic and Stephanie wraps her arm tightly around Bucky's shoulders, wanting to reassure her she's there. Bucky feels so small in her arms now. “Remember when I came charging into your tent? Back in Italy?”

“Of course, it was very dramatic.” She stops them, not caring it's after curfew and they're in the middle of a public road. She stops and tilts Bucky's head up. The red smudge is still there so Stephanie rubs it away.

“Thought I was going to find you with someone else.” She chews nervously on her lower lip and starts walking again, knowing Stephanie will follow. “Thought about you a lot since leaving. How much I missed you.”

“You don't need to say anything.”

“Stephanie...”

They're at the building they've been quartered in and Stephanie risks taking Bucky's hand as they go up the stairs. They're getting close to winter and everything is cold and dark. They don't turn on the lights when they reach Stephanie's room, finding each other easily even with the black out curtain firmly in place. Finding the bed is a little trickier but there isn't much to trip over.

Lying there in the dark, her head beside Bucky's she whispers you're my best gal and she can see Bucky smile.

-

They don't expect the mission to be simple. There is nothing easy about landing on a moving train.

Stephanie doesn't expect things to go wrong when they're on the inside. She wasn't supposed to watch her best friend fall to her death.

Afterward all she can feel is cold.

-

Stephanie Rogers wakes up in the future. And she is alone and her life has been turned into a lie.

Director Nick Fury sits down with her, gives her files on everyone but none of it is really a surprise. It's 2012 and she has been frozen for 67 years. People age and move on. It's easiest to keep Bucky's file open, she knows exactly how that ended, remembered too clearly how all the strength she was given failed her.

Maybe it's best to close that one too.

“Your documentors lied about you.” Fury continues and Stephanie gets the impression he knows everything that's going through her head. “Everything released in the States after you went to war said you were a man.”

“I know.”

“Is that so.” He doesn't seem particularly nonplussed with that revelation and she wonders what else he knows.

“They couldn't show women rushing into dangerous situations in the States. They'd demand my return.” She opens Bucky's file again and carefully removes the picture before returning the file to the Director. “And I wasn't about to go.”

“And what about the sealed records?”

Stephanie shrugs, hiding her surprise that someone had bothered altering those files. “I can't answer you.”

The Director smirks and leans back in his seat. “You know, I wasn't sure how to call this one. Even before we realized how about three quarters of what we knew about you was a lie, someone owes one of my agents an apology over that, but how to reintroduce an old super soldier into this mess of a world.”

“I think I can figure it out on my own, sir.”

“Maybe you can, but here,” he slides a thin metal device, the length and width of a piece of paper over to her. “Let's see if you can figure that out first.”

She picks it up and there's only one button and the thing's screen sparks to life. “I'm old. Not stupid.”

“That's the attitude, soldier.” He stands, gathering up the files. It's easier not to correct him that she was never really a soldier.

“I want an apartment. I have no intention of living in this colossus.”

“And if I say no?”

She holds up the device already open to the search function and smirks. “You won't.”

He laughs and she thinks maybe she can like him. Or at least respect him. “I'll ask you to at least stay in New York City.”

“That won't be a problem,” she types in Brooklyn and holds it up again. “I want to live there.”

-

She knows SHIELD stepped in and interfered to get the apartment for her quickly. She knows this because there is a box waiting for her in the apartment. The place is big, bare and simple. It's nice so she can't really complain. They would find out where she lived anyway.

The box is waiting for her on the counter and contains only a few items. All the things she owned when she crashed a plane into Arctic ice. Some books, an old sketchbook, a change of clothes, a necklace from her mother. Inside are the letters and photograph, exactly as she left them as if no time had passed. She had only been gone on a mission and in a few minutes, Bucky is going to burst through the door, announce the whole unit was going to get wasted and they needed Stephanie to come and carry them home.

The memory makes her smile. It's something. It'll have to be enough. The computer Fury had given her is still in her line of sight as a sharp reminder this is no longer the world she knows and remembers. She purses her lips and goes to do the best thing Bucky ever taught her to release all the pent up emotions she can't name, when drawing isn't enough.

She goes to find something to hit.

She doesn't expect an alien claiming to be a god to provide so many targets.

-

Phil Coulson looks at her and calls her a hero even if her body doesn't match the ones on the cards he collects.

She keeps them. Even the ones stained in blood. Keeps them in a sketchbook to remind herself why she still does this. To remind her that people still believed in old fashioned ideas.

-

They are a team by force and by necessity. But in the end they are a team.

She lets Tony convince her to move into the tower where the entire floor she's given is bigger then the place she has in Brooklyn. Brooklyn remains home but there's something special about the Tower. She places the medals she was given on a shelf and makes a copy of the photograph to have one in both places.

The photo of Bucky taken from the file is special and she keeps that one close, tucked away in her sketchbook to be with her always.

Tony confesses that he knew about her gender when everyone is gathered around waiting for Bruce to finish making dinner. He grins smugly. “Dad,” he says simply and he's not even multitasking, actually completely part of the group. “There's a picture of you guys too, including that team you put together.”

“Are you cheating on us with other teams, Cap?” Clint teases.

“They were more like your predecessors.” She thinks maybe if they ever met, the Commandos would like this team. Might tell her she's done well for herself. After challenging them to a fight.

“Making us version 2.0. Better, stronger, faster.” Tony punches the air with each word.

“Fitting since you _are_ Stark 2.0,” Natasha says.

“And have blown everything daddy dearest has done out of the water. Present company excluded of course.” He says it like it should be a compliment. That Stephanie should be proud of being Howard Stark's only unrivaled creation.

Stephanie stares down at her hands, she's bent the fork in half without realizing and very carefully bends it back into shape. Tony likes to remind her she doesn't fit in this time, that she's just an experiment that could never be repeated. “I'd rather not compare,” she says stiffly. Conversation comes to an awkward stop. The feeling of being a team is gone and Stephanie just feels alone.

“Hey-”

“I'm not hungry anymore.” She doesn't wait for an answer before leaving the kitchen. The sound of the fork clattering on ceramic fills the air behind her. She goes straight to her room, taking the stairs so she can run and maybe the short exertion will burn away some of the pain but it doesn't even leave her winded. She crawls into bed and falls into a restless sleep, dreaming of snipers and red lipstick. There are no dreams of being a nurse anymore.

Tony seeks her out the next day and in a surprising display of tact, apologizes. “Dad he uh, he mentioned how close you were with your team.” He pushes the photo towards her. It's exactly how he described, the whole team together with Peggy and Howard squeezing themselves in. There were two taken that day, one for the reports and then this one. Where Bucky jumped up on Dugan's back and Dernier was pretending to punch Jones in the face and someone had draped an American flag over Falsworth's shoulders just to watch him try to respectfully get it off of him and Falsworth's sister had even snuck in. Stephanie had her hand on Bucky's shoulder to keep her from falling . “He told me a lot of things, when I was a kid and still listened,” Tony is still saying.

“Hopefully all good,” she makes herself say.

“Is there actually anything bad to say about you? No seriously. Oh well he mentioned you and Barnes were...doing things considered inappropriate and possibly illegal at the time? And probably in Texas.” He smirks and waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

Stephanie resists punching him but only just. “Guess it makes sense he noticed.”

“I hate the guy but he was pretty smart.”

“Thanks Tony.”

“So I'm forgiven for being an insensitive jerk?”

“Pepper put you up to this, didn't she?”

Tony laughs. “Caught me. She didn't come up with the photo though. That was all Bruce. You're welcome. Oh and uh, keep it. Doesn't mean anything to me.”

The photo stays in the Tower, it feels better that way. It's a piece of her old family as she struggles to make a new one. They go out all together like she used to with the Commandos. When she refuses to dance, Clint drags her to her feet anyway. On a different night, no one blinks when she leaves with another woman and she finally starts to think she could like this century.

-

There are a series of assassinations that no one notices, hidden as accidents. Politicians, businessmen, engineers. By the time SHIELD connects the dots it's almost too late.

When JARVIS wakes the team at oh three fourty four, he calls Stephanie, who is in Brooklyn that night. The message is cold and emotionless and it's not just because he's an AI. Stephanie has known JARVIS long enough now she has stopped thinking of him as a computer and can hear the inflections in his voice. There is something very very wrong.

She's on her motorcycle within minutes and the time makes getting to Midtown easy. She still misses all the action.

JARVIS directs her up to Tony's floor and she steps out to see the rest of the team there, including Sitwell. Tony's holding Pepper, keeping her calm but the frenzied look in his eyes says he's barely holding on himself, maybe only managing it because of her.

Stephanie looks past them to Sitwell, Natasha and Clint and the prisoner. Clint and Sitwell have guns drawn.

“Steph,” Tony says, letting Bruce gently pry Pepper away.

“Are you three alright?”

“We're fine. Just...I don't know what’s going on so just be careful, ok? I need to find out how this nutjob got in.”

She looks again at the prisoner, there's something Tony isn't saying. It's a woman, the catsuit makes that clear but whoever it is is curled up, knees up, head bowed. Her hair is cut short but her arms hide her face. There are cuffs on both her arms and legs. Her left arm is fully exposed, gleaming metal with a red star emblazoned on her shoulder.

Her three guards still keep their space. Stephanie pats Tony on the shoulder and makes her way over to them. Moving past them to crouch in front of the woman. She notices them all tense except their captive who doesn't move, doesn't look up.

“Someone want to tell me what's going on?” She asks, twisting to look back at them. To her surprise, both Clint and Sitwell glance at Natasha first.

“This is the Winter Soldier,” she says stiffly. “One of Russia's top assassins from the Cold War.”

“ _The_ top,” the Soldier says in perfect English.

Stephanie stays focused, trying to ignore how familiar the voice sounds, chalking it up to the constant feeling of loneliness she's carried with her since waking up.

“Her target was Tony or Pepper.”

“Didn't account for Bruce,” Clint adds with a dark smile.

“We're guessing she's under private employment these days,” Sitwell continues. “We realized too late someone has been taking out businessmen, it looks like corporate espionage taken to an extreme.”

“I am helping my country, American pig” the Soldier snarls, and suddenly she's moving, swinging her bound arms at Stephanie like a club. Stephanie reacts instinctively, throwing herself backwards and kicking out. The Soldier blocks her with the metal arm but the kick still manages to throw her off balance.

Stephanie pushes forward, catching the arms before she can take another swing and the Soldier throws herself backwards, taking Stephanie with her and they crash into a table together. The Soldier curses in Russian but Stephanie isn't listening. The Soldier's arms are pinned between them and she's finally face to face with the assassin.

“Bucky?”

The Winter Soldier with the face of a long dead friend spits at her.

Stephanie is helped up and Sitwell is ready with some kind of sedative this time. Stephanie feels numb.

“You ok, Cap?” Clint asks. “Stephanie?”

Stephanie ignores him and looks at Natasha. “Did you know?”

“I suspected she was American by birth.” It's the kind of answer Stephanie expects, it's no answer at all.

Stephanie nods and lets Clint push her towards a chair. The numbness isn't fading. “I believe you.” She looks pleading at Natasha, not caring that she's supposed to be their leader and supposed to be strong. “Tell me what they did to her.”

-

There is a flurry of doctors and telepaths, all trying to get past the mess in Bucky's head. Stephanie spends most of her time there, remembering how to use her hands to heal even if all she can do is hold an unconscious woman's hand. It's too dangerous to be there when she's awake. The Winter Soldier was trained to be resourceful and they learn quickly standard restraints are not enough.

Somehow cracking the Winter Soldier and finding Jeanette Barnes again becomes a team effort. Tony spends a lot of time there, studying the metallic arm, already designing its replacement. Natasha remains close by, even if she is not always in the room. She explains in fits and starts about Russia's methods of brainwashing its operatives, how her own memories have been tampered with, but she knows she worked with and was trained by this woman. Natasha calls her Zhanna. Bruce studies her physiology, trying to determine how she hasn't aged, but it's Clint, sent to track down any records of the Winter Soldier who returns with the answer, returning with descriptions of a stasis pod that she was stored in between missions and the methods used to create their perfect assassin.

The doctors explain there has been extensive damage, the Soviet techniques were cruel and brutal and many things are lost forever.

Bucky wakes up and fights and struggles and yells insults in a few languages, preferring Russian. Most of it, Stephanie doesn't need translated. It's when Bucky wakes up and stays quiet that are the worst, when she's cold and methodical and will sit there and chip away at Stephanie's memories. The woman in Bucky's body learns quickly that hearing all the things the Winter Soldier has done hurts. So she relays them, in elaborate detail.

Natasha's steady presence is the only thing keeping her from walking out sometimes and simply letting everyone else handle this. She sits in the hallway sometimes, when she can't make herself enter the cell and draws. She tries to avoid drawing Bucky, but sometimes she finds herself outlining the familiar features.

Slowly there are more days when Bucky looks around in confusion, when English comes easier then Russian and then finally she says Stephanie's name without a sneer.

She doesn't look at them. Not even Natasha, who has the best idea of what she was made to do. The screaming is replaced by silence. One shrink after another is sent in to speak with her, to get her to open up. The lucky ones get the cold shoulder. One asks about her and Stephanie’s relationship and is lucky his larynx isn't crushed. Bucky curls up in the corner, the restraints hanging, torn and useless from the bed. Stephanie goes in before the guards and Sitwell keeps them out.

Stephanie approaches her like a wild animal. Her hands cover her eyes but Stephanie has no doubt that she can tell someone else is with her. Stephanie sits in front of her, and waits, not sure what to do next.

“Put me down,” Bucky whispers. “Please. Just kill me.”

“No, oh Bucky no,” her voice catches at the thought of that. Of getting Bucky back only to have to kill her again. “We'll work through this.”

Bucky makes a strangled noise and launches herself at Stephanie. They twist around on the floor, Bucky trying to get a hand around Stephanie's neck and Stephanie trying to pin her down. She hopes Natasha can keep the guards out so she can focus on this. A twist the wrong way and Stephanie's head hits the metal bed, it's enough to shock her for a moment. In that moment, Bucky frees her metal arm and wraps it around Stephanie's neck. But she doesn't squeeze, not tight enough to cut off air or even hurt.

“I won't Buck. I'm not scared of you.”

“You should be.”

“You're my best girl, why should I be?”

Bucky makes a choked noise and her hand falls away. Stephanie lets out a sigh of relief. “You are crazy.”

Stephanie grins and shrugs. She reaches for Bucky's wrist, curling her hands around them, tracing the indents left behind by the restraints. “If you promise not to strangle the next doctor, I'll make sure they stop tying you down.”

“Can you?”

“I'm Captain America, they can't tell me no.”

Between Stephanie and Natasha, most of Bucky's questions are answered and SHIELD is convinced to let her out as long as they are willing to look after her. Stephanie takes her to the Tower where JARVIS can supply a third set of eyes. Stephanie takes her to Stephanie's own floor where a side room has been converted into a bedroom for Bucky but Bucky goes to Stephanie's room first.

Stephanie watches as she explores Stephanie's room, fingers of her real hand running over all the relics of a past life and the slowly forming pieces of a new one.

“I can't even say I've missed you,” she whispers. “I didn't remember you. There was just...there were missions and orders that was it.” She reaches the photograph that Tony had given Stephanie, traces their faces with a fingertip.

“It's ok.”

“No it isn't, not really.”

They sit down the next day, all of them, and Bucky lays out everything she knew of her last job. A former Soviet colonel, gone into business and trying to expand his empire had used her. He had been part of the former Red Room team which had handled her.

Her target had been Tony and Pepper as it was assumed if something happened to Pepper, Tony would still be capable of keeping Stark Industries together. She was supposed to report back in a week ago for the next assignment.

“He'll know something is wrong.”

“SHIELD has kept it secret that someone even broke into the Tower,” Clint says. “And only a select few were told who you were. He shouldn't know where you are.”

“You've gone off the reservation before,” Natasha says. It's become a strange fact of life. Whatever history they have, Bucky trusts Natasha completely to fill in the blanks about her time as the Winter Soldier. Stephanie's sat to the side while they talked in Russian, sat with her sketchbook and took some comfort in just hearing Bucky laugh, unable to understand anything else. “You had a job in Florida. Ended up in New York, no explanation why.”

Bucky dips her head before anyone can see her expression and shrugs weakly. Everyone can tell how lost she is right then.

“They must have worked damn hard to wipe that little detour out,” Tony says, sounding almost sympathetic. “So we should assume this crazy businessman with the worst grudge ever thinks his precious pet assassin has just gone AWOL in New York? I'm hoping everyone here has heard what they say about assuming.”

The switch back to their main topic helps Bucky collect herself again. “Yes, if he hasn't already he'll probably send another team to track me down and take me out.” Stephanie hates how easily those words come out of Bucky's mouth. “But he's a recluse, paranoid. _He'll_ be in the same place.”

“So we go in and take him out,” Clint says. “Stop the whole thing in its tracks.”

“You can't just kill a CEO!”

Everyone looks at Tony flatly. “He tried to kill Pepper,” Bruce speaks up for the first time. “And you.”

“Clint and Natasha can handle this,” Stephanie says, stepping in as leader. Taking the blood onto her hands. She thinks of Bucky sitting beside her, with right hand clenched around her left and it's the easiest call she's ever made. “Take care of him.”

“I should go to,” Bucky says immediately. “I know where he is, I know his security. Trying to explain it won't be the same.”

Stephanie is ready to protest that it's too soon but Clint says she's right. They need her. Stephanie looks to Natasha. “It would make things easier.” Stephanie glares at her silently, feeling betrayed.

“You can't lock me up in an Ivory Tower,” Bucky adds softly. “Or well, a tinted-glass tower operated by an AI, no offense Jarvis.”

“None taken, Sergeant Barnes.”

“Alright,” Stephanie relents. Bucky beams and Stephanie hates how guilty the decision makes her feel.

The man is based in St. Petersburg, where the ex-Soviet has set up his offices. Fury doesn't like the plan, he doesn't want an untested, recently unbrainwashed ex-Soviet assassin being sent immediately back into enemy territory but there's no changing anyone's minds. Stephanie appeases him by offering to fly the team there herself, to wait in the Quinjet in case they need backup, she doesn't back down on that even when Bucky yells that she doesn't need Stephanie looking over her shoulder. Stephanie doesn't care. It's the closest they get to an argument but Stephanie wins and they're off.

Before the three agents leave the jet, Stephanie catches Natasha's arm. She doesn't need to say anything before Natasha promises she'll bring Zhanna back.

Stephanie sighs a thank you and lets them go.

Hours pass as she sits there, expecting the worst. Waiting for the call to come in that some hidden programming has kicked in, that maybe this was all some grand scheme to divide the team and take them out. That in the end she's going to have to take out Bucky. She keeps her shield on her knees, tracing the lines with her fingers.

She has to stop herself from going in after them twice.

Finally, her waiting pays off and the radio comes to life, Clint's voice coming through to sound the all clear and she relaxes. They all return alive, with the worst injury being to Bucky's mechanical arm. She slides into the co-pilot seat beside Stephanie and it's as if they're back in the War and Bucky's buzzed on post-mission adrenaline. Except it's Clint and Natasha bickering in the back of the jet instead of the Commandos.

“So have you learned anything new since I've been gone?”

“I learned how to dance.”

Bucky makes a soft noise and falls silent as Stephanie takes them up, pointing them towards home. “Didn't I already teach you?”

“Must not have stuck.” With the jet placed on autopilot, Stephanie turns to her. “How'd it go?”

Bucky stares straight ahead. The metal hand clenches and opens. “It went fine.”

Stephanie reaches out and catches her hand. Bucky stares, there's no gasp of surprise, no sign of anything. The fingers curl slowly, as if remembering slowly how to hold someone's hand. “You know that's not an acceptable report.”

“There are code words.” Bucky's voice is cold and she's trying hard for matter of fact but she's slipping. “Tony redesigned the arm. But there are things in my head. He turned me off, just like that, unconscious for two minutes. Natasha had to finish the mission.”

“That could be a problem Bu-Jeanette.” She has to be team commander and the Avengers have to come before Stephanie and Bucky.

“No, please, I want to be Bucky. Realized that Bucky was a decent person. Always thought she was a little pathetic. But she's not bad.” She looks up at Stephanie. “Sorry for spitting at you. Going to send the shrinks back into my head?”

“I have to.”

“Thank you.”

They fall into silence as Europe moves underneath them. She keeps Bucky's hand in her's, running her fingers up and down the metal. “I've always liked Bucky,” Stephanie says with a small smile.

“That's because Bucky protected you.”

“Damn straight.”

-

Bucky has her own room and stays mostly to herself and Stephanie lets her, knows she needs space to get her head on straight. She adapts quicker then Stephanie ever did though. Watches TV and goes shopping and acclimates to JARVIS's constant presence. Not that Stephanie doesn't do those things, but Bucky has an ease about her. Stephanie figures it must be all the time spent as the Winter Soldier, a covert agent who couldn't blend in would be fairly useless.

Stephanie walks in on her and Natasha in the kitchen one night and Bucky is smiling as she teases Natasha about something. It suddenly strikes her as unfair. Everything happens easily for Bucky. She got to go overseas without a fight, she's back and has friends and maybe even suitors immediately.

A coffeeshop in Brooklyn becomes her favorite escape, away from the noise and traffic and people in Manhattan. The waitress is sweet and tops off her coffee without needing to be asked. Stephanie leaves behind her phone though she wouldn’t be surprised if SHIELD or Tony had come up with some other way of tracking her. But it’s Natasha who shows up hours later, silently taking the opposite seat from hers and waiting to be acknowledged. While she waits, she orders a cup of tea from the waitress.

“If I missed a mission you can just say so,” Stephanie finally says.

“You didn’t.” They fall into silence again and Stephanie looks back at her doodles. “You could have had a career.”

“I almost did. I preferred nursing. I felt like I was doing something good.”

“Your file said something to that effect.”

“Did it also say that’s what I wanted all along?” She pauses to take a sip, looking straight at Natasha. “I was going to get the serum and go be a nurse.”

“No, it never said anything like that. I’m sorry.” They pause when the waitress comes over with Natasha’s tea. Stephanie waits as she sweetens it.

“Are you here to keep an eye on me?”

“You sound as suspicious as Bruce.”

“I think we both have reason to be. And that doesn’t answer the question.”

“Yes, but not for SHIELD. You’re a part of the team and I wanted to make sure you were ok.” She doesn’t look away from Stephanie as she talks. Natasha is a spy and can lie, but Stephanie trusts her. “It seemed more respectful to come right up instead of break into someone’s apartment. This really is a terrible location.” She frowns at Stephanie in disapproval.

“The waitress is nice.”

Natasha chuckles. “You come all the way out here to check out the waitress? This isn’t even close to your Brooklyn apartment.”

Stephanie blushes and shrugs. “I’m still human.”

Natasha stays until Stephanie is ready to leave. Stephanie prefers the subway but Natasha drove, so they both get into her car. Clint is already cooking when they reach the kitchen. Stephanie can hear Tony and Thor talking loudly and Clint talking over them to get out of the damn kitchen if they’re just going to take up space. Bucky looks like she’s helping Clint out, or at least sneaking bites of food.

Bucky's eyes meet hers and Stephanie can't. She mumbles a quick apology to Natasha and she goes back to her own room. It's running and she's never run before but she never realized in all this, in getting Bucky back, that she would need to adjust too. No one tries to call her back and she's not sure if that hurts worse or not. Out on the balcony with her sketchbook, Stephanie wonders if Bucky even needs her anymore. Stephanie spent 70 years frozen in ice, moving neither forward nor back while Bucky was twisted and broken and turned into someone completely new.

She doesn't hear the knock on the door but then Bucky is there on the balcony with her, pulling up another chair and curling up on it. She has two plates as well and she holds out one until Stephanie takes it.

They eat in silence for a few minutes and Stephanie's guilt just grows that she's taken Bucky away from everyone else.

“You know the doctors say some of my memories will never come back.”

“I know.” She sets the plate aside, appetite suddenly gone.

“So what I’m trying to say, things...with us, I know I'm missing pieces.”

“If you want things to be different, I understand. It's a whole new world and I'm not really part of it.”

Bucky rests a foot on Stephanie's chair, nudging her side. “I'm not leaving.” Her chin sticks out stubbornly and Stephanie lets herself smile, resting one foot on her ankle. Her smile softens and she's leaning over, covering Stephanie's hand with her own. “Need you to help me out.”

“You don't need my help.”

Without breaking eye contact, Bucky lifts Stephanie's hand to her lips, brushing a kiss to her knuckles. “I realized, or at least I think I'm remembering it right, I never properly courted you.”

“You didn't but you never had to. You couldn't.” Stephanie blushes but won't be the one to look away first.

“Can now.”

Stephanie never thought she'd seen Bucky nervous but she clearly is now, head tilted slightly, waiting for Stephanie's reaction. “How were you thinking of starting?” She asks, struggling for neutrality but she can’t suppress her excited smile.

Bucky beams. “I think I have a few ideas.”

They make plans. And then have to make plans again when someone tries to blow up the Latverian embassy and placating Doom takes weeks. The new plans get lost somewhere between keeping Tony from murdering him for insulting his technology and holding off an invasion of semi-sentient zombie seals in San Francisco.

The third time is the charm. Pepper swoops Stephanie off to go shopping and they find her a simple and elegant dress and matching, sensible shoes. Stephanie admires Pepper for the heels she can chase after Tony in all day but doesn’t feel the need to do the same. Back at the Tower, Pepper gets her ready. She keeps up a steady flow of conversation, talking about her first date with Tony and Bruce, about how crazy it can be, and she thinks Bucky and Stephanie are beautiful together. It keeps Stephanie distracted, almost relaxed until Pepper is finished.

“I look like an alien,” she whispers, staring at herself in the mirror.

“I think you look gorgeous,” Bucky says, startling them both.

Pepper gives her a stern look. “You were supposed to knock.”

“Sorry, so used to letting myself in.” She has a flower in one hand and she slips it behind Stephanie’s ear. Her fingers ghost over the side of Stephanie’s face, tracing her jaw down to her lips. Pepper very quietly excuses herself as Bucky’s lips touch Stephanie’s.

“Shall we?” Bucky murmurs.

They go to dinner at a place they could never afford before and they hold hands on top of the table. No one seems to recognize or comment if they do. Bucky teasingly asks about Stephanie’s family and Stephanie pretends she’s never heard the story of when Bucky spilled coffee in a general’s lap because he smacked another woman’s ass.

When it’s over, they walk home hand in hand and Stephanie takes the flower from behind her ear to spin it absently between her fingers.

“We are a good couple, aren’t we?” Bucky asks after a moment. She’s pleading, looking for confirmation of both the past and present. Stephanie stops them, turns Bucky so they’re facing each other. Bucky’s hair is braided, still long from her time with the Russians, and Stephanie carefully works the flower into the elastic.

“You’re my best gal,” Stephanie murmurs, kissing her forehead. Bucky tilts her face up and Stephanie doesn’t need anymore invitation to catch her lips.

**Author's Note:**

> Lots of thanks and love to Nikki, Ellie and Lins since they all contibuted ~~or nagged~~ in some way for this.  
>  Title from Simplify by Marina and the Diamonds  
> Everyone should go check out the art Vylla did for this over [here](http://vylla-art.tumblr.com/post/31117417043/i-was-supposed-to-be-drawing-something-else) <3


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